Wani Ardy’s Inspiring Thought

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Dear girlfriend,

Being a woman who have found The One (Insya Allah) and is still learning on life and love (oh boy, God knows how the lesson gets harder and better!), I have discovered this: The only way you could ever move on, is by having faith. Kuat tak kuat, itu dah jatuh nombor dua. Because as soon as your world darkens and you’re left broken, being strong becomes an illusion. At some point you even hate the idea of having to be strong to get through this shit because it just seems impossible. It’s difficult enough to digest the fact that you don’t have him, so why do you need to complicate things by forcing yourself, pretending you’re strong at such a tough time like this? Why try to be ambitious?

So fuck being strong. You (unconsciously, maybe) prefer to dwell. Fine. Dwell. Dwell as deep as you want. Feel sorry for yourself. Feel like you’re the weakest, the unluckiest woman in the whole wide world. Feel like you’re alone and you have no one at all. Feel like nobody understands you. Feel like you don’t want to go to work, don’t want to get out of bed. Feel like you want to lock yourself in and shut off everybody. Feel like your entire life has been a lie. Feel like he’s the meanest man you’ve ever known and you’re being the stupidest version of yourself that you could ever be in your lifetime to actually want him, miss him. Feel whatever you wish to feel. BUT, at the end of the day, have faith.

Dear,

I am not you and you are not me. But we’re both women. Degil. Ikut hati. Sanggup terbang tinggi, tengok awan kejap dan jatuh macam gagak kena tembak dari tak terbang langsung. Betul? Ah, manusia bila dah sayang semuanya lebih kurang. When things don’t go the way we wish them to be and these men don’t feel the way we feel for them, it kills us all the same. We cry our eyeballs out and we become ghosts. We die.

Tapi macam mana aku boleh bangun lepas jatuh 25 tingkat? Gila kalau aku jujur dan cerita berapa tangan yang toreh hati aku, berapa gagal yang siat semangat aku, berapa kali aku guris perasaan orang waktu aku muda, mentah, dan bangang, berapa kali aku lihat mati sebagai pintu lari, berapa bodoh aku cuba dekati pintu lari itu, berapa jauh iman terpelanting dari jiwa aku – memang gila. Jadi macam mana aku boleh tak serik-serik untuk bangun dan hadap naik tangga ke tingkat 25 dan jatuh lagi dan panjat lagi?

Sebab aku percaya. Itu saja aku boleh cakap. Aku percaya Allah. Aku percaya satu hari aku mesti sampai sana. Aku percaya sana mesti ada. “Sana” as in the future version of me. The version of me who found The One. Jadi aku gerak saja ke depan. Mengesot ke, merangkak ke, lantaklah. So long as you’re moving forward. Tak payah berjalan, berlari, or be the happiest person on the planet to move on. Kau percaya kuasa Dia dan segala benda yang Dia simpan untuk kau, rancang untuk kau, cukup. Semua dah tertulis, sayang. Masa lahir dah tercatit seumur hidup kau akan bangun tidur sebelah siapa. As wearying as it sounds, life is a trial and error adventure. There’s no other way.

Allah Maha Tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kau sekalipun ia menghancurkan kau.

Learning still,
Wani Ardy

Original text here

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